Truth Will Out
by DSISandraPullman39
Summary: One very long night and a little unscheduled family therapy leads to some interesting results.
1. Chapter 1

**Truth will out 1/?**

**Disclaimer:-** Don't own them just borrowing!

**Episode:-** Umm difficult one, mention of things talked about in "The Mind has Mountains" and bits and pieces throughout the show timeline but no spoilers really.

**Pairing:-** Jean/James (though not until way later on in the final chapters)

**Rating:- **T/M

**Achieve:- ** **http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/**

**Summary:- **One very long night and a little unscheduled family therapy leads to some interesting results.

**Author's Note:- **I've wanted to do something for ages looking at Jean's relationship with her son and I've put it off because I couldn't decide what to do, I finally decided on this then faffed around for another while deciding if I liked it and so on and so forth until finally I just sat down and wrote it! I think it will probably end up high "T" or "M" Rated by the final chapters so the rating is for that. Hope you enjoy and reviews would be lovely thank you!

"Mum I wish you'd just let me order something for dinner you don't need to start cooking when you've been at work all day."

"No it's been ages since you've been home overnight and I don't get nearly enough chances to feed you up these days I swear you live on take away food and energy drinks!" Jean smiled pulling peppers, courgettes and cream cheese from the fridge as Chris rolled his eyes at her. "Don't give me that look I know what you're like if it can't be pinged in the microwave or delivered on a moped at all hours of the night you won't be bothered to make it."

"Do you know who's taking the course tomorrow? I mean all it said on the info pack they sent was that it would be taken by a senior police officer with experience in complex murder investigations. I….."

"Relax sweetheart it's not me, I think it's Alec Mahoney he took the last one when it was based with us." She replied watching as relief crossed is face briefly before he did a good job of hiding it again. It wasn't often that there were training courses held in house and this was the first time that he'd been sent down by his own station to take part in one. While she was delighted that it meant they got to spend the evening together and that he'd be back in the family home for a night she knew he always worried about people jumping to conclusions based on the fact she was his mother and the idea that she might be leading the course would have been a nightmare for him.

"That wasn't what I meant." Chris smiled knowing that she was well aware that it was as she smiled knowingly at him before carrying on cutting the vegetables in front of her as he opened a bottle of wine and poured her a glass before fetching himself a beer from the fridge.

"It's ok to not want the embarrassment of having to sit in a room with a load of other younger officers while your mother lectures you all on police procedure Chris I'm a big girl I can take the rejection." Jean laughed taking a sip of the wine while adding pasta to a pot of boiling water with her free hand. "Alec is a good guy, experienced he'll give a great lecture but let's not talk about work what else is going on with you? How's Julie?"

"I wouldn't know, we split, she'd moved on to a traffic warden called Joe the last I heard." Chris replied shrugging as Jean shook her head and he prepared himself for the lecture that was to come, one that would be much more embarrassing than any police procedure one he could be given by her.

"Sweetheart you really need to think about settling down, you've got a good job, you're a good looking boy don't you think it's time you at least thought about having a relationship that lasted more than a few months?" Jean sighed, it wasn't that she thought he should be getting married and having half a dozen kids she just thought it might be nice if he came to visit and for two consecutive times he had the same girlfriend. "I thought Julie was nice, you were full of how perfect she was when you were here last month."

"Well she was nice, I mean she is nice we didn't break up because she wasn't we just didn't make a great couple. We brought out the worst in each other and that's no basis for a relationship." Chris continued lifting the wine bottle and his own drink and following her to the sitting room.

"No I suppose not." Jean agreed handing him a plate of pasta before sitting beside him on the sofa as they ate in silence for a few minutes. "Do you remember when you were younger and if you'd had a bad day or were poorly you'd want me to make you this. Other kids wanted ice cream or fish fingers and chips or whatever as comfort food all you ever wanted was pasta with cream cheese pepper and courgette sauce."

"I wanted it because we used to be able to talk about what was bothering me or just about stuff in general when you were cooking it." Chris smiled the memory of those times when it was just the two of them sitting in the same kitchen they'd just left with her cooking and him perched at the breakfast bar while she seemed to know all the answers to whatever was bothering him "I really enjoyed those times, you were so busy with work and Dad was never here so it felt like they were special if I'd just asked for ice cream it would have taken two minutes and we'd not have had the chance to talk much."

"It never occurred to me that you'd think like that, I didn't even expect you to remember that it was your favourite." Jean replied pushing the remains of her own pasta about the plate as she let his words sink in. Over the years she'd wondered if working full time while he was growing up had affected him, if he resented it and her because of it and now that the door was open a crack and she could possibly ask she couldn't decide if it was worth the risk of spoiling their evening by pushing it. "Did it bother you? The fact that I worked rather than staying at home and looking after you full time?"

"Why would you ask that?" Chris sighed setting his empty plate on the coffee table and turning a little on the sofa so he was facing her taking a swig of his beer.

"Well if you would rather have pasta because it took me time to make it that implies I wasn't exactly there for you unless there as a reason for me to be. I'm curious and I want you to be honest you don't have to spare my feelings I know you love me I'm not going to assume there's a deep-seated resentment there just because you say yes. I just thought since we're here talking about stuff I might as well ask."

"Why drag up the past Mum? I mean there are things I'm sure we'd both like to thrash out I know I wasn't exactly an easy teenager but is there really any reason to start on some Jeremy Kyle show style soul bearing?"

"Maybe it's time; since your father and I split up I wonder if we all spent too much time not being honest with each other. Would it be such a bad thing to talk things out if we agreed to be honest even if the truth might hurt?" Jean replied watching as she could tell he was turning the idea over in his head. It was obvious he had things he wanted to say now that the opportunity was being offered but she wasn't sure if either of them were ready for what might come out if they started down that road.

"Complete honesty no matter what?" Chris asked his eyes narrowing a little in an action that so perfectly mirrored what she knew was her own expression in times of scepticism that it was frightening. Richard had always said he was much more like her than him not just to look at but personality wise too and right at that second she could see what he meant.

"OK, complete honesty, I think it might be good for us to talk things out. Your father and I spent the last decade of our marriage not talking it's taught me that sometimes silence and boxing away your feelings is more destructive than helpful.

"Yeah well maybe we'll get on to you and Dad later but for now ok if you want to talk about it and we both agree to be honest why not. You have to agree not to close off just because you might not like everything I say though otherwise there's no point. Openness and honesty works both ways if I'm going to be honest with you you're not allowed to pull the "I'm your mother mind your own business" card nor the "because I said so" one on me when it suits you."

"Fine, I'll take the dishes into the kitchen and get you another drink." Jean agreed lifting the dishes and walking away as he watched her go. If he was honest there were a million questions he wanted to ask his Mother, both his parents actually, that he never saw there ever being a right time to ask but if she was going to open the door and have a frank, adult discussion with him then maybe the time was right to clear the air. That way maybe he might get the answers he needed and she might feel like she could finally put away any doubt she had about herself as a mother and move on with her life without constantly feeling like she had to fix his.


	2. Chapter 2

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 2/?**

"Have you heard from Dad lately?" Chris asked taking the beer Jean offered as she refilled her own glass and sat down again on the sofa. He knew she's immediately see through his attempt to change the subject but even if she gave him a few minutes of pretending she didn't it would give him enough time to gather his thoughts.

"No not since we saw each other at your birthday party before Christmas, now that the divorce is final we really don't need to be in contact unless something is going on with you. It's better that way it means when we do have to be in the same room we can at least be civil to each other." Jean sighed, the birthday party a few months before had she'd decided afterward been possibly the most uncomfortable night of her life. She'd gone determined that she would not do anything that would mean she and Richard could descend into yet another rehash of the same arguments and ruin their son's birthday but in doing so she'd spent the entire evening making sure she stayed as far away from him as possible. "Why?"

"No reason I just wondered I spoke to him on the phone last week but I haven't seen him myself since then."

"I see, you know if there's something you want to see him about or something you want to talk to him about that you can't talk to me about then you need to let him know specifically that you need to talk to him. Your father doesn't do subtle and obtuse that's the point I was making about us not talking when we should have for so long."

"If there was something I needed to talk about I'd talk to you before him Mum you know that." Chris replied realising he was about to take the topic back to where they've started giving the whole evening an air of inevitability that he really hadn't seen coming when he let himself in that afternoon and waited for her to come in from work. "Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't….well you know that I don't love him and all just like I do you but I never talked to him about important things the whole time I was growing up I'm not likely to start now. Besides I told you most of the time when things were bothering me or whatever you made pasta and we talked."

"When I was here for you to talk to, I suppose I wasn't much better than him in that regard. Back to my original question. Did you resent me working? Do you feel like I missed too much of you growing up?" Jean asked feeling like she'd given him enough time for his temporary diversion and desperate to clear the knot in her stomach at the thought of what he was going to say.

"When I was a kid there was probably times I wished you'd been around more, but it wasn't like you were never there, you always made the time to be there for important things unlike dad." Chris sighed staring at her for a second trying to gauge how she was going to react before he continued. "I sometimes couldn't understand why you had to work that's why I found it so hard when I was a teenager I didn't want to be a police officer's son you know it wasn't cool to be the one who everyone used to say would properly be in trouble if there was anything going on and people didn't want me being involved sometimes because they thought I'd come home and tell you. I know that I shouldn't have been doing anything that it would have mattered if I told you or not but I was a kids and so were they and not everything I did back them I'm proud of."

"We've all done things in our teens we're not proud of Chris and I know it was hard for you that's why I got you the help I did when I did, I didn't want to lose you completely and that's what I felt was happening." Jean replied the memory of his troubled adolescence and the subsequent therapy that seemed to help him though it sending a chill down her spine. At the time she'd really believed that they would never come out the other end of it and that things could only get worse rather than better but thankfully the right help at the right time had got them through and she'd never stop being grateful for that. "I used to wonder if maybe because there was only you it made things worse, I wondered if you'd had brothers or sisters would it have made a difference. I know I used to spend hours moaning at length about your grandparents with my sister. Did it bother you that you were an only child?"

Pausing before he answered Chris turned the question over in his mind he knew he'd be lying if he told her he'd never thought about the fact his parents never had more children and he knew if he said he hadn't she'd not believe him anyway. What she was asking though was if he thought it would have made a difference to his life and he wasn't sure if he knew one way or the other.

"I don't think it bothered me most of the time, I mean I'm sure I thought about it sometimes but most of my mates hated their siblings most of the time so I don't think I really thought I was missing out on anything." He replied staring into the middle distance for a moment trying to decide whether it was a good idea to ask his next question or not.

"But?" Jean asked the way he obviously felt the need to say something else but was deciding if he should making her a little apprehensive about what was coming next.

"I have wondered in recent years why you and dad didn't have more kids I mean you were happy together when I was a little kid at least it seemed like you were, why didn't you have any more kids?"

"It's complicated." Jean replied draining her wine glass and deciding the right way to answer his question while he refilled it. The complications of the early years of his life were something she'd never thought she'd ever discuss with him, she didn't even like to think about them herself and had a feeling it might open wounds she had managed to patch over a long time ago. Not only that but honesty aside she was quite sure there were aspects of her life that he really wouldn't want to know the details of and she wasn't sure she could properly explain and leave those bits out.

"Well we have time Mum and I'm not 12, I don't think you lived a life of celibacy after I was born and I really hope you aren't now either so tell me I'm old enough to understand complicated even if in your eyes I can't hold down a relationship for more than 5 minutes." Chris smiled the teasing edge to his words and the fact he seemed to relaxed about the whole discussion, much more relaxed than she was feeling, spurring her on as she nodded and tried hard to think of a way to put the fact on the table without him somehow thinking his only child status was all his fault.


	3. Chapter 3

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 3/?**

"Mum you promised you'd be honest why do I feel like you're about to pull the "none of your business" card on me?" Chris sighed as the silence between his assurance that he could accept whatever she had to say and her starting to speak again seemed too long. "You wanted to do this remember I….."

"It's not that sweetheart honestly I'm just trying to decide myself how to best put the reasons your dad and I didn't have more children it was a whole collection of things that all conspired to mean it just never happened or that by the time we even talked about it too much time had passed and too much had changed." Jean sighed taking a deep breath and deciding that just laying the facts out and answering any questions he had as honestly as possible along the way was probably the best option. "When I was pregnant with you I felt great, I seriously couldn't understand why I'd heard other women complain about pregnancy. I didn't have morning sickness, for most of the nine months I felt fantastic and we were so looking forward to you arriving. They put me on desk duty at work which as you can imagine drove me crazy but even that didn't matter because all I could focus on was you coming and how great it was going to be to be a family. Your dad went mad he was convinced you were a boy right from the beginning. In those days scans and everything were relatively new and they just showed you that there was a little person in there they weren't able to tell if you were having a boy or a girl."

"But Dad was sure?"

"Oh yeah the day after the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant he came home with a full England football kit complete with socks and baby football boots and that replica 1966 football that is still upstairs in your room."

"It must have been a huge disappointment for him when I grew up to hate sport of any description." Chris sighed reaching out and squeezing Jeans hand as he saw her glance into her glass and stop again. "It wasn't your fault that I didn't like sports Mum even if he liked to blame the fact he thought I was a "Mummy's boy" in his words I just didn't like it and I'm not the only man on the planet who doesn't!"

"I don't think he's disappointed not now and he only ever called you a Mummy's boy to try to get a rise out of me those days are long gone Chris." Jean replied thinking back to how excited Richard had been when she was pregnant and how happy they had been then before she continued. "Anyway it was great up until the last couple of weeks. I was on maternity leave we had everything ready for you coming and I took ill they rushed me into the hospital and said they were going to have to induce because it I had preeclampsia and it was too dangerous for me and for you for them not too. You were a good size and there was no reason to believe there'd be any ill effects from delivering you a couple of weeks early so that's what they did. That was when the real trouble started."

"You never told me any of this before." Chris said quietly beginning to regret asking in the first place as he saw his mother bite gently on her lip and knew she was trying hard not to get upset.

"There's never been a reason to before." Jean continued "Anyway without going into details you don't want or need to know and I'd rather not remember it was a difficult labour and in the end after 14 hours they decided to do a section. You and I were both in hospital for nearly two weeks after and when we finally got home things were hard for the first few months, you Dad was working I was limited in what I could do for six weeks after you were born your Nana ended up having to practically move in so when I did finally get back on my feet and things were going better thinking about having another baby wasn't high on my wish list. I was happy with just you, you were a great baby, cheerful, good natured and your dad and I both agreed for a long time that we should just be grateful after everything that happened that we had you and you were happy and healthy. By the time you started school and we brought the subject up again of having more the time never seemed right, we did make a half-hearted try for a little while but by that stage neither of us were devastated each month when it turned out we hadn't been successful. There was a time about 4 years ago just after you moved out when I did think I might be pregnant but it was a blessing that I wasn't because by that time things were really falling apart between us and had I been we'd either still be together now hating each other and resenting the child or I'd be bringing up a child on my own and much as you think your dad wasn't there when it mattered at least you knew he was here in the house."

"So if it hadn't been for what happened when I was born you might have had more?" Chris asked smiling sadly as she immediately shook her head stroking the front of his hair out of his eyes the way he remembered her doing when she wanted to reassure him when he was a child.

"No and I don't want you thinking like that, I've never once, and I mean not once, regretted only having you. You are the single best thing I have ever done in my life and raising you has been the most rewarding thing I've ever done." She smiled getting up and taking the empty beer bottle from his hand kissing him gently on the top of his head as she headed for the kitchen to get him another. "You want snacks? I think I have some of those tortilla chips you like with the chilli dip."

"Yeah thanks Mum." He replied watching as she disappeared again through the kitchen door and taking a deep breath. He knew telling him everything she just had was hard for her and getting snacks was just her way of gathering her thoughts again before they continued with their night of soul bearing but he knew there was worse to come. They hadn't even covered his behaviour as a teenager and he knew there was questions she'd always wanted to ask about that and then there was his father. They'd only touched on her relationship with Richard so far and he had questions he needed answered there too. He knew there were lots of things that went on toward the end of their relationship that she thought he had been shielded from but he'd known more than she thought and he needed answers as to why she let herself put up with the crap his father had thrown at her for so long.


	4. Chapter 4

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 4/?**

"Mum are you baking those tortilla chips yourself?" Chris laughed walking into the kitchen and approaching Jean where she stood over the bowl of chips, pot of dip and bottles of beer sitting on a tray. "Mum? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine sweetheart sorry I was miles away I'm coming now, bring the tray will you I'll get another bottle of wine from the fridge and be with you in a second." Jean smiled trying not to show that she had been so lost in her own thoughts when he came in. The evening was proving just as emotionally exhausting as she had thought it might be but now that they had started she decided it would be better to get everything out in the open stopping then might make things worse rather than better and that was the last thing she wanted.

"This isn't the usual dip you buy it's nice but it's spicier." Chris said as she made it back into the sitting room and sat beside him.

"No I had some people from work over a couple of nights ago, Robbie and James and Laura Hobson you know the pathologist? Well James loves that one so I'd got it in but he brought some himself so it didn't get used." Jean replied narrowing her eyes a little as he gave her a knowing smile. "What?"

"Nothing just you look happy when you talk about your social life these days it's a long time since you did I'm happy for you."

"I am happy with my life social or otherwise."

"Not before time you know I don't know why you…" Chris began pausing and considering if it was worth bringing up the end of his parent's marriage when she was clearly finally moving on with her life.

"Why I what?" Jean asked already knowing what was coming. It was inevitable that they would get on to the topic of Richard at some stage it couldn't be avoided but she'd hoped it would have been a little longer to allow her to get over the discussion about his birth first.

"You brought me up to believe that I should respect women, that it just wasn't acceptable to treat them any other way. You always told me that in a relationship I should be considerate and treat y partners well."

"Well you should. The world is full of men who are complete bastard's Chris it doesn't need another one I would like to think that you do treat your girlfriends well even if you can't settle with the same one for more than five minutes." Jean replied giving him a teasing smile as he rolled his eyes.

"Of course I do, most of my girlfriends I met through work if it got through the force grapevine and back to you that I hadn't my life wouldn't be worth living. I've never known a group of people so capable of getting gossip from one side of the country to the other in record time, to get it from one station to another within the same district would take a matter of seconds."

"That doesn't happen you know." Jean smiled the desire to reassure him that she didn't have a network of spies operating between his base station and hers checking up on his every move. "I mean I don't check up on you and I very rarely hear anything about how you're getting on from anyone other than you. I don't want you to think just because I'm your mother anyone thinks they should or even could come running to me with gossip about you whether it's personal or professional."

"I don't think you spend your days hunting down information about me mum I'm pretty sure if you wanted to know anything you'd just ask me but gossip does filter down, or even up through the ranks." Chris sighed setting aside the point he was trying to make in the first place for a second and dealing with what they had in front of them right then. "I hear things at times too, little bits of gossip, I ignore then just like I know you would ignore it if you heard something about me but it doesn't mean it never happens I don't expect you to pretend it doesn't. I just think if you do hear things you'd come to me and if it involved me treating a girlfriend like crap you wouldn't be happy when you got your hands on me."

"Hold on a minute, go back a bit. I meant it when I said I never hear any gossip about you but what did you mean you'd heard things? What sort of things?" Jean asked suddenly bristling a little at the implication that she had been the subject of gossip. She loathed gossiping of any kind and work place rumours where the worst especially when you held a position of authority and people were prone to look for a reason to ignore that fact.

"Nothing serious Mum relax you can't expect people not to talk. You're a woman who is very good at her job and there are still people who'd like to belittle that fact by trying to turn your personal life into the stuff of water cooler gossip then when Dad did what he did….the last time and it all came out so publicly of course there was going to be talk and it would make it's way back to me because some people assumed that I'd be only too happy to badmouth you or him or both of you."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this, what right does anyone have to talk about my marriage, or divorce and what right do they think they have trying to drag you into their petty games of office politics I….."

"Stop it Mum! It was a storm in a tea cup, actually it was a storm in a thimble they are people with nothing better to do with their time. They certainly learned pretty quickly that they were getting no additional information from me. But it brings us back to the point I was trying to make in the first place."

"Yeah I know it does." Jean sighed "You want to know considering the fact that I drummed into you about respect and equality in relationships I didn't kick you Dad out on his ear after his first affair or before it even?"

"Yeah I mean he stopped making you happy long before you finally kicked him out, I love him and everything but he was a bastard to you for a long time Mum why the hell did you put up with it?"

"Do you really want to know this sort of thing Chris? I mean surely the details of mine and your dad's marriage is the last thing you want to know."

"I want to understand and if that means talking about it then I'll take that I can live with it if you can."

"I suppose I'll have to. Jean sighed draining her glass and refilling it before sinking back on the sofa and trying to decide where to start.


	5. Chapter 5

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 5/?**

"Would it be easier if I asked you questions?" Chris asked tilting his head a little as Jean laughed.

"Do you want to rig up a PACE tape machine it would be good practice for your inspector's exams!" she asked taking a sip from her glass and thinking about what he'd said. The problem she'd been having was working out what would be too much, or even too little information to satisfy his curiosity without wandering into the territory of overshare. "Yeah ok why don't you tell me what you want to know and we'll take it from there."

"I know you thought you were protecting me when I lived at home toward the end mum but I know the affair with Suzanna wasn't his first, far from it, I just don't understand why you kept putting up with it? I mean like I said if you thought I was treating one of my girlfriend's like that you'd make me regret it and you always would have done. Why did you take it from him? Did you really love him so much that it didn't matter what he did?"

"You were so young the first time Chris you were only 13 and you needed him around as much as me no matter how much you would say now that he was here." Jean sighed watching as his face fell "I'm not saying that back then I stayed for him just for you I did love him then and I really believed him when he said it was a one off. He was very good at turning things around at times. He'd tell me he was lonely that I was always working or never really focused on him, nor you, when I wasn't and that was around the time I made chief inspector so I believed him that maybe it was my fault….."

"That's bollocks Mum please tell me you know that now." Chris snapped the irrational anger at his father rising in his chest so quickly it surprised even him. "Yes you worked, yes you were dedicated but that's no excuse for him to screw around and when it wasn't a one off? You can't tell me you kept letting him make you believe it was your fault!"

"No….well maybe for a while, it was complicated Chris and with everything that went on with you in the few years after that I probably wasn't the world's best wife I know that doesn't excuse it I'm not saying it does I know now that he did it because he wanted to and it wouldn't have matter if I was constantly at his beckon call he would still have done it but I was easily convinced otherwise then." Jean replied the memory of how easily she was taken in by her husband back then still making her stomach knot a little. She was ashamed now to look back on how gullible she'd been and the fact she could see complete disbelief in Chris's eyes just confirmed what she knew people thought. She gave such an air of confidence in her work life and even socially people would have said she held her own. Insecurity wasn't something she thought anyone would list when talking about her personality but she had been where Richard was concerned. She had been for too long and that was something she'd always regret.

"So when did that change? Was there ever a time when you thought he'd genuinely given up womanising and you might make it work? If you thought you were pregnant at one stage you must have thought that things were going to be ok on some level."

"Chris you aren't that naïve sweetheart and I'm not going to treat you like you are just because there was a chance I was pregnant didn't mean that we were going through a patch where everything was all hearts and flowers again." Jean continued smiling sadly as he nodded "That's why I said it was a good thing that I wasn't by that time our marriage wasn't just in trouble it was on life support just waiting for one or other of us to finally pull the plug."

"And eventually you did, you were the one to say enough is enough I mean?" Chris asked finally getting to the crux of his curiosity, he hated the fact that she'd let his father treat her so badly for so long and when they had finally told him they were divorcing he had wondered what had taken so long but he'd also wondered what it was that finally tipped his mother over the edge and that was what he was most determined to find out.

"It wasn't one thing Chris, I'd reached a place in my life were I genuinely believed I'd be happier without him than I was with him. I realised I'd stopped caring who he was sleeping with, whether he was coming home at night or not and if he loved me at all anymore because I didn't love him." Jean smiled hoping that she was reassuring him that she had made the right choice though not really believing he thought any different anyway. "Add to all that the fact that I didn't really think Suzanna was like the others. I really think he loves her which seems to be being borne out by the fact they're still together and seem to be happy."

"And you? Are you happy Mum?" Chris asked his mind wandering back to her comments earlier about socialising with her friends and how relaxed and content she seemed to be when talking about them. "He's happy with Suzanna is there someone who's making you happy?"

"I am happy." Jean laughed as he reached for another beer on the tray and refilled her glass. "I'm happy with my life and the choices I've made. I trust myself to be in charge of how I live my life and know that the only person who can really make me happy is me."

"But there is someone, someone that being around makes you happy? I'm not blind mum nor am I a child I see the way you light up when…."

"We're getting off topic." Jean interrupted feeling her cheeks flush a little and knowing that if they didn't change the subject and do it quickly it wouldn't be long before he hit on the one thing that she didn't want to discuss, or even think about for that matter because it was so improbable. "I've answered your questions about me and your dad now I want to talk about you, about when we had all that bother and I had to get the shrink in to help you out."

"Ok." Chris smiled setting aside his continued curiosity for a minute. If this was going to be a tit for tat exchange of information he could live with that but if she thought for a second he was going to forget about the fact he knew that there was someone special in her life and that she wasn't being honest with that person nor herself about it she had another think coming. He'd get back to it but he had to give a little first and if that was what it took then he'd happily do it if it meant that before he left to go home the next evening they not only had talked about what they needed to in their own relationship but he'd set in motion the possibility that she might find a new happiness just like his father had.


	6. Chapter 6

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 6/?**

"I know we've talked about all this before, well not talked about it as such but touched on the reasons you feel Dr Andrews helped I know you didn't feel like I listened to you at the time and he did so….."

"Mum it's not that simple, when I said someone actually listened to me I didn't mean that you didn't I meant that I could talk to him about things I didn't want to or didn't feel I should talk to you about." Chris interrupted pulling together his thoughts in a way that meant he could say what he had to without sounding like either he had been a spoilt over privileged idiot or it had all been her fault. Over the years he'd thought about those few months when things had been so terrible between him and her and wondered why he'd done the things he had. Even now sitting talking about his childhood and her relationship with his father they kept coming back to the fact that she was the one he turned to when things were difficult, that he'd relied on her much more than his father and that their closeness was a fact obvious to most who knew them as he was growing up so to find himself turning on her so completely in retrospect seemed like a terrible slap in the face. Over time he'd accepted that he'd hurt her then and that she'd simply accepted the fact never once throwing it back in his face even when there were times she might have been justified in doing so but that didn't mean he wasn't glad to have the chance to talk about it now and tell her ultimately how sorry he was.

"But that's what I never really understood Chris, I always thought you could talk to me about anything up until that point you had and since you came out the other side I think you can again, what happened in that six months or so that changed everything?" Jean asked sighing heavily as he stared into the middle distance for a second and she had to fight the urge to just tell him it didn't matter than they'd talked enough and should both be getting to bed. The few months when she really thought she was losing him had been the hardest of her life, nothing that Richard had done since, nothing that she'd ever faced in the line of duty, nothing at all that had happened in her life before or since had broken her heart quite so completely as those months when she thought that he would never have that closeness back that she had with him when he was growing up.

"I can't point to one event and say that was what happened or that's when I started resenting you Mum, I didn't go to bed one night feeling normal and wake up the next morning hating you, actually I don't believe I ever hated you I just couldn't cope anymore with what you did and who you were. I was sick of being the boy who's mum was a copper, a senior copper at that. Like I said earlier I felt like my friends pulled away from me because they associated me with the force. I know that shouldn't have mattered but we were 16 pushing boundaries and yeah doing things we probably shouldn't have been and they used to give me a hard time about the fact that I couldn't risk doing anything because if I got caught you'd know about it and there'd be hell to pay." Chris sighed smiling sadly at her as she nodded the complete lack of judgement in her eyes reminding him that he really could tell her anything and she'd listen and give her opinion but that opinion would never be laced with judgement or instructions on what he should do. She'd give her opinion and then let him make his own choices.

"They were probably right in a small way anyway if you'd been caught doing things and the uniforms had just given you a talking to they could all have gone home and forgot about it unfortunately for you it would probably have made it back to me and did on the odd occasion."

"You never said, I mean you never once balled me out because you'd heard something at work or we'd got in trouble or anything."

"What would it have achieved believe it or not I didn't want you to feel like you were different from other kids just because I was a police officer. Don't get me wrong if you'd done something serious you'd have known about it trust me but I did want you to be able to be a normal teenager too." Jean smiled taking a deep breath as she felt the nervousness he'd been feeling lift a little.

"I suppose it just became a huge thing in my head and it was only when you sent me to Dr Andrews and he started to talk to me about what it was that was making me so angry all the time I realised that the problem was how I was thinking about you rather than anything you were actually doing." He continued giving a weak smile as she nodded. "That's what I was trying to tell you earlier other than that little short period of time I totally respected you for working and the work you did and now I think it makes you even happier than it ever did which brings me back to the point I was about to make when you interrupted me earlier."

"I really don't want to go where you were heading earlier." Jean laughed hoping he would take the jokey warning seriously and let the topic drop but knowing he had no intention of doing so. He got his tenacity from her and when he had decided something needed facing and she knew that she was going to have to talk about the one person she could do with forgetting about that night whether she wanted to or not.


	7. Chapter 7

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 7/?**

"Why are you so worried about talking to me about the fact you have feelings for someone who isn't dad?" Chris asked watching as Jean sighed before draining her wine glass realising the bottle was empty and getting up.

"I'll be back in a minute if we're going to carry on with this conversation I haven't had nearly enough to drink." She sighed getting up and leaving the room before he had a chance to object. The irony of the fact that the kitchen had become her hiding place that night wasn't lost on her any more than she thought it would be on him. Toward the end of their marriage the kitchen seemed to be the scene of some of her and Richard's fiercest battles and most wounding verbal exchanges. Tonight though it was proving to be the place where she found it easiest to gather her thoughts and make it easier to answer his questions.

This time though she wasn't sure there was a way to deal with the sort of questions she knew were coming next. There were aspects of her life she didn't like to examine too closely herself for fear of what she may have to admit, if he started asking questions and hit on the one thing she truly didn't want to talk about she wasn't sure she'd be able to convince him he was wrong.

"Mum are you going to hide in there all night or are we going to talk about this like adults." Chris called from the living room shaking her once again from her contemplations as she opened the fridge grabbing a fresh bottle of wine before taking a deep breath and heading back to him.

"Chris, sweetheart, why are you so interested in if I have or would even want a new man in my life, surely the last thing you want to know about is that." She smiled hoping in vein that it would stop his line of questioning.

"I want you to be happy Mum. You're 49 not 89 I know you will want to have relationships now that you're single again. You're a beautiful woman and I'm sure you're not short of offers but I see you light up when you…."

"Chris! Stop it I…..I don't know if I'm comfortable with….."

"With admitting that the reason you haven't had anything resembling a relationship since you and dad split is because you're too afraid to yourself let alone me that you're in love with someone and probably were even before you finally kicked dad into touch." Chris interrupted watching as a gentle flush came to his mother's cheeks and she shook her head firmly. He'd known for months that she had fallen for James Hathaway and he's been prepared to let it slide figuring she'd make a move when she was ready but that was before he'd realised that her feelings were returned with possibly even stronger ones from the man in question and they were doing nothing but wasting time not telling each other. That was when he'd realised he needed to do something to bring them together because he had stopped believing that she ever would. He'd planned to set the wheels in motion the next day when he started the two day course at their station but since the door was open to the discussion he'd decided it may be better to try the direct approach first. Unfortunately he had a feeling direct was going to get him nowhere.

"Look it's late, we should be thinking about getting to bed." Jean sighed going to move again as he rested his hand on her arm stopping her.

"You realise he's totally into you too don't you?" He continued, smiling as she stared at him for a second the disbelief in her eyes obvious.

"Chris now you're just being ridiculous I realise you want me to be happy and you don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me I'm deluding myself but…"

"I'm not trying to boost your ego mum I'm tell you what I saw."

"Saw when Chris?" Jean asked suddenly being struck by the fact they were having the entire uncomfortable conversation and briefly feeling a moment of hope that they weren't thinking of the same person.

"Last month when you sent him to the MET's forensic conference in London and I was sent by my guvnor too." Chris replied shattering that little bit of hope. The only officer she'd sent to that conference was James and she'd not even made the connection until Chris mentioned it that second.

"Ok well I still don't see how that means you know what he's thinking. I can't imagine him just walking up and announcing that he loved your Mother, actually there's nothing I can imagine him doing less."

"Of course he didn't, he didn't have to, he never shut up about you the whole two days. During the lectures it was all "But my chief super says this" and "My chief super does it this way" and the night we stayed over, in the bar that night he couldn't tell me often enough how amazing you are and just about everything and how great a boss you were. I swear if he could have had you promoted to chief constable right there and then he'd have done it. He's nuts about you anyone who was at that conference and didn't see that doesn't deserve to be a copper because it didn't take a detective o work it out." Chris explained watching a flicker of excitement cross Jean's eyes before it was replaced again by scepticism.

"He was just being loyal Chris when you're in a group of other officers everyone wants to prove they have the best commanding officer it's normal. Now seriously it's almost one in the morning and you have to be awake enough to actually be able to pay attention tomorrow so bed, now!" She smiled moving and clearing the table of the empty snack bowls and beer bottles effectively putting an end to further discussions he watched her go. He'd really hoped he'd be able to convince her to do something herself but he'd known it was a long shot. Over the years he'd learned that when his mother got something into her head and had convinced herself it was right no one and nothing could change her mind. No he'd have to accept that if it was going to happen he'd have to do something himself which meant resorting to plan A which he had every intention of putting into play first thing in the morning.


	8. Chapter 8

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 8/?**

"Mum I really don't need cereal and toast for breakfast I haven't eaten so much in the morning in years. If I fall asleep in the middle of the lecture this morning I'm sending them to your office to complain." Chris smiled as Jean refilled their coffee cups again and sat down at the table.

"A good breakfast will help you concentrate I dread to think what you have in your stomach normally going out to work. There'll be lunch laid on but if there's nothing you like you know where I am we can nip to that little gastro pub you like near the station." She said firmly rolling her eyes as he shook his head at her fussing.

"I'm sure there'll be something I like to eat and if there's not I'll get something from the canteen but why don't you ask someone else to lunch, maybe James Hathaway for example?"

"Don't start that again you're never too old for me to ground you or confiscate your phone you know." Jean sighed glancing at the clock determined to nip the conversation in the bud if at all possible but realising if she insisted on leaving this early it would be blatantly obvious it was only to avoid his questions again.

"A grounding would be a price worth paying if it stopped you being so stupid and made you do something for yourself for once. Seriously Mum you've spent the last 25 years raising me and putting up with Dad why can't you just let yourself be happy and take a chance. I've already told you what he was like at that conference he's crazy about you and I know you like him too. I still don't know why you are so against it all. Why won't you allow yourself to say to hell with what people think it will make me happy so I'm going to do it?" Chris sighed gripping her wrist as she tried to get up and clear the table. "Mum please I just want you to be happy."

"Chris what makes you think that making a complete fool of myself would make me happy? I don't care what you say James Hathaway would be no more interested in me than the man in the moon. I don't need to humiliate myself to find that out. Now drop it please we need to go or we're both going to be late." Jean snapped hating that she had let him get to her enough to make her raise her voice but suddenly even more determined than ever to put an end to the subject once and for all.

"Fine but you do realise you are too bloody stubborn the next time you complain about me not being able to take advice I'm going to remind you of this." Chris sighed getting up from the table and helping her clear away the dishes as he made a decision. If she wasn't going to accept that she had to do something then maybe it was time someone did something about it for her and since that evening he'd be leaving again it had to be today.

"Ma'am do you have a second?" James asked startling Jean an hour later as she sat at her desk staring unseeingly at her computer screen. Since she and Chris had parted company when they arrived at the station she'd been trying to forget about what he'd said over breakfast but hadn't been having much success now the subject of her distraction was standing at her office door and that wasn't helping at all.

"Yes James what's the problem?" She said quietly trying to sound like she wasn't thrown by his arrival but knowing she wasn't pulling it off.

"Lewis is down giving a talk to the guys on the training course and Mathews in forensics is being a jobs worth he won't release the finger print evidence to me without a call from a senior officer is there any chance you could give him a call he's terrified of you if you call he'll be up here with them in record time."

"Mathews is a pain in the behind but I don't think he's terrified of anyone let alone me." Jean laughed reaching for the phone. "I'm not scary am I?"

"Only to people who are a pain in the behind." James smiled handing her the evidence requisition form. "Tell him I'll call over for the results in ten minutes his extension is at the top there."

"Will do." Jean smiled watching as he left again the residual smell of his aftershave intoxicating her for a second before she shook her head. "Snap out of it Jean, god you need to get a grip and stop letting Chris's fairy stories turn your head." She said quietly lifting the phone and dialling the number on the form in front of her.

"Sorry to interrupt but could I speak to Inspector Lewis for a second please?" James asked firmly putting his head round the door of the conference room where Robbie was about to give his talk.

"James what is it?" Robbie asked glancing back at the crowd of younger officers as Chris Innocent seemed to be suddenly taking an interest in what he was doing. "Please tell me you have a reason for me to get out of this."

"Sorry sir I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to re-interview Wilson his prints were on the second glass in the master's study so he needs to account for it but I can do it alone you enjoy your moment in the spotlight." James smiled watching as Robbie turned back into the room mumbling about how it wasn't a coppers job to give lectures it was his job to solve crimes. Waiting until the door had close and he'd enjoyed another moment of Robbie's agony he turned and walked away completely focused on the suspect in their case.

"James! James wait a second!" Chris called catching up with him moments later after he'd excused himself from the conference with the "I need the loo" school boy classic.

"Hi Chris is something wrong? If Robbie's sent you out to plead with me to save him tell him I've already said no if I rescue him your Mum will make sure neither of our lives are worth living for weeks." James smiled his eyes narrowing as the other man shook his head.

"No, no he was just starting his demonstration when I came out. Look it's about my Mum do you have some time for a chat later? Maybe when this training thing breaks for lunch?" Chris asked ignoring the little voice in the back of his head telling him if this all went wrong it would be his life that his mother would ensure wasn't worth living.

"Is she alright? I mean has something happened she'd not told us about? Is it to do with your dad?" James asked aware that he sounded slightly more manic than he'd intended but feeling his stomach knot at the thought Jean might be in trouble.

"She's fine, well she's not but she'll not do anything about it so I'm going to, I need to get in there will you meet me at the pub across the road there's too much chance of her seeing us if we meet downstairs in the canteen."

"Ok, yeah if it's that important of course I will." James replied watching as Chris walked away and disappeared back into the room. Trying to focus back on the job he was supposed to be doing he headed for the car the whole conversation replying in his head as he did. Whatever it was, whatever the problem turned out to be, whatever trouble Jean might be in he knew he would bend over backwards to help fix it. He would lay down his life if it was for Jean Innocent and from the way her son had just looked at him he had a feeling he hadn't been doing as good a job of hiding that fact as he'd thought he was.


	9. Chapter 9

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 9/?**

"Can I get you a menu sir?" The smiling waitress who had been watching him since he came in to the pub asked James looking slightly disappointed as he shook his head.

"I'm waiting for someone when he gets here we'll probably just go for the special but give us a minute until he gets here ok?" He said quietly staring out the window again as the young girl walked away. He'd spent the few hours since Chris Innocent had asked to see him trying to focus on what he should be doing but it had been impossible. All he could think about was what was going on with Jean that would make her son so anxious to meet in secret, he'd spent the better part of the previous few years wishing that in those moments when he knew she was in trouble, or having a hard time she'd come to him and now if something was serious enough for Chris to need to meet him in such a clandestine way he was prepared to be there to help her in any he could, if she'd let him.

"James thanks for doing this." Chris smiled slipping into the wooden bench on the other side of the table James was at.

"Now that your friend has arrived are you ready to order?" The young girl asked bouncing toward them before Chris even had time to sit down properly.

"They do a great steak and kidney pie and mash here you ok with that?" James asked telling the girl they'd have two specials and order a pint for Chris as he nodded his agreement to the food choice. "I think we're the only ones in for lunch today she's been hovering around since I sat down. What's the problem Chris are you sure Jean's ok? Why the secrecy?"

"Look I'm not going to beat around the bush we don't have time for that I have to leave straight after the training course because I'm on duty in the morning and Mum worries about me far too much. That's why I suggested lunch. First let me say she doesn't know I'm here if she did she'd go mad." Chris began, thanking the waitress as she set his drink down and left again.

"Chris I'm starting to get really worried what's going on? If there's a way I can help I will but I can't until you tell me what the problem is." James sighed trying to keep the irritation out of his voice as he spoke he'd been finding it hard enough to keep his concern under control before Chris arrived but now that he'd started to speak it was rocketing.

"You love my mother don't you? I don't mean like you're really fond of her and would help like you would any other friend I mean you're in love with her aren't you?" Chris began, sighing as James stared at him the shock at his words evident in his face. He'd really hoped that he could just confirm what he already knew with the minimum amount of messing around then tell the other man to get his finger out and tell Jena how he felt then get on with making his mother happy but it was fast becoming obvious that wasn't going to be the case.

"I….well I mean that's a complicated question Chris… obviously I… well she's always ben with your father and since she hasn't well….." James began trying to stop his mind racing with the implications of what Chris had just said. Setting aside the fact he seemed to have already decided that he knew how James felt the issue that was flashing in neon letters in his mind was whether he was there to warn him off or give him his blessing and if Jean didn't know he was there was it because she'd noticed and was uncomfortable or was it because she felt the same and didn't want Chris to say anything. The pub seemed suddenly too small for both of them and he couldn't think straight yet the son of the woman he was so completely in love with it was ridiculous was just staring at him like he should be able to immediately confirm or deny his assertion.

"James I'm not here to do a whole heavy stay away from my Mum thing I don't go in for that bullshit I want her to be happy and I think you are in love with her. I spent three days with you a few months back and I've never heard anyone talk about her the way you did. All I'm asking is that you tell me if I'm right before I go any further." Chris said eventually when he realised he wasn't going to get a straight answer from James immediately and they had been interrupted again by the waitress setting their lunch on the table. He'd really hoped this would be simple he'd ask James to confirm that he was in love with her then he could tell him she was in love with him too and to stop being stupid and tell her but it just wasn't happening.

"OK, yes I am but look I've never done anything that I can think of to make it obvious to her or make her feel uncomfortable so if she is tell me and I'll do something about it, I don't know what but I don't want her to feel like I'm just waiting to leap on her the second I get a chance I know she'd not in love with me and I've no intention of doing the whole grand declaration thing and making life more difficult for both of us." James sighed try as he might he couldn't think of a way to deny his feelings so he figured just being honest but assuring Chris that he wasn't some sort of creepy stalker would be the best way to go.

"You two are mad do you know that?" Chris laughed no believing what he was hearing, it was so similar to the conversation he'd had that morning with his mother that it was a joke and he was starting to think that knocking their heads together would maybe achieve more than talking.

"Chris none of this is making any sense has Jean said something? Is she uncomfortable working with me? I was pretty sure I'd done a good job of hiding how I feel about her but if she has tuned into it somehow and …"

"Tuned into it? Jesus James she's completely clueless about it, she would be more likely to believe that you are alien from mars skulking around in human form than she would that you have feelings for her." Chris interrupted shaking his head firmly.

"Then what's this about? If you aren't here to warn me off and she hasn't said she's uncomfortable or anything why are you here why are we having this conversation?" James asked pushing his half eaten lunch aside and starting to get a little irritated by the fact Chris seemed to be finding the whole situation so amusing.

"We're here because she's in love with you too and since I now know you haven't "tuned in" to that either someone has to step in before you both waste another few years of your life and my mother spends all her time being miserable because she is too scared to tell you how she feels." Chris replied glancing at the clock realising her only had 20 minutes left of his lunch break to sort things out and deciding that this was much more important than any training course he could ever do so if he had to sit there all evening he would if when he left he'd actually made a difference.


	10. Chapter 10

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Truth will out 10/?**

"Chris mate I'm sorry but you're out of your bloody mind!" James laughed, If someone had told him when he got out of bed that morning that he'd be sitting in a pub with Chris Innocent having possibly the most uncomfortable conversation of his life which ended with the assertion that Jean was in love with him he'd have had them arrested for being under the influence of some substance or other which must be illegal.

"Have you any idea how hilarious this is for me? I sat at my Mum's breakfast table this morning having almost this exact conversation." Chris laughed leaning back on the soft leather of the seat he was sitting in and shaking his head, "go on you might as well tell me why you think she couldn't possibly love you I had to listen to a pointless list of reasons from her both last night and this morning so let's hear yours."

"You're serious aren't you? I mean this isn't some sort of wind up and in a minute you're going to point out how out of my league she is and how I wouldn't have a hope even if I did tell her. You are actually trying to tell me you think she's in love with me?"

"I don't think she's in love with you James I know she is. Look I'm going to lay this out for you but like I've said already she doesn't know I'm doing this and if she finds out because you screw this up then she'll never forgive me. I need to know you'll listen and then either do something or tell me you're not going to so I can find a way to persuade her to go out there and start living rather than sitting around pining after you ok?"

"Ok. I'm listening." James replied taking a gulp of his drink. He couldn't imagine Jean [ining after anyone let alone him but since every time Chris opened his mouth he said something else that shocked him he was prepared to go with it. For now.

"We ended up having a pretty heavy discussion last night, going over a lot of things about when I was growing up and about her and my father's relationship. The upshot off it all was that I know she was ready to move on and that she had feelings for someone, I even had an idea it was you but it took some doing to get her to admit it. A word to the wise, when you do tell her how you feel and if you end up together, there is no more stubborn woman in the world than my mother when she decides to dig her heels in."

"Don't I know it." James laughed enjoying the moment of relief from the tension he felt was about to engulf the table as Chris nodded.

"Yeah I'm glad she's not my SIO but that's beside the point. To begin with she wouldn't even admit that she had feelings for you let alone discuss why it was a ridiculous idea to tell you. I think she still thinks I'm ten years old and she can't admit to me how unhappy my father made her."

"She should have left him years ago. I'm sorry Chris I know he's your Dad and everything but he treated her like crap and he had no idea how lucky he was."

"No need to apologise James I love my Dad, he's my dad of course I do, but I know what a bastard he was which is why I want her to be happy now." Chris replied staring into his drink for a moment as he collected his thoughts again. He'd already known, from their previous meeting, how much James love his mother but the way he'd immediately jumped to her defence was just further confirmation of that. The man in front of him could make her happy treat her the way she deserved to be treated and give her the life she deserved and those facts only increased the determination to get it sorted that he'd already been feeling.

"Look you need to get back and this conversation isn't going to get any more comfortable the longer we drag it out. SO you're telling me she eventually said she had feelings for me?"

"yes but she's convinced you couldn't have the same feelings for her because she's not you enough or pretty enough or just not what you'd be looking for full stop. I told her I knew she was wrong and she all but told me to but out and leave her to it because she wasn't going to make your working relationship impossible by admitting feelings to you that she is sure you could never return."

"You realise if I say something and she tells me to go to hell the can of worms that opens is huge?"

"She won't and if she does at first then you have to stand your ground. Please James I've said it already but if you need me to say it again so be it. She's in love with you, you're in love with her, you're unhappy apart and I really think you could be happy together so just do something about it ok?" Chris replied pulling out his card to pay for the lunch and waving away James's attempts to do the same. "This is on me. You're right I need to get back. I hope you'll listen to me and stop wasting time. If you need to tell me anything or if she works out I'm behind this and is on the war path here's my number give me a call."

"Ok, thanks." James smiled watching as Chris paid the bill at the bar then disappeared out of the pub before lifting the card with his number on it and turning it over in his hand,

"Can I get you anything else sir?" The over officious waitress from earlier asked as she cleared the table.

"Just a black coffee please." He smiled staring out the window watching as Chris finally rounded the corner into the station and out of sight, He was sure the hour he'd just spent with the other man was the most surreal of his life and now he wasn't sure how to handle the information he'd been given. Over the years he'd imagined every possible way to tell jean how he felt about her. He'd imagined everything from romantic meals and long explanatory declarations to just taking her in his arms and kissing her in a way that would make words irrelevant. The problem he was having now was that he couldn't imagine actually doing any of them in reality. He knew that he had to act, that he couldn't just ignore what he'd been told, now all he ahd to do was decide how to do it and when.


End file.
